Surfing the Tides

I could describe the last 48 hours as wonderful. many pleasant things have occured in them. so i've been happy today. and tonight. even in this, hour 3 1/2 of library monotony. my happiness, however, is not based on the good things that happen. as much as my emotions go up and down with the tide, i think my happiness is separate from my emotions. and happiness is separate from joy. I can define and point to all three in my life. I'm not really sure what that means or what the import of it is. What I do know is that I heard last night from a wise woman, "Don't trade peace for happiness. Don't trade security for excitement." Oh, truth.

I'm trying to write an alliterative meter poem right now. I was inspired by Dr. Williams and the structure fits my style. However, inspiriation is also up and down. I don't think i could ever be a journalist. Half my work or more would be crap.

I wonder what would happen if I compared the time I spend thinking about the past with the time I spend thinking about the future. Either one would outweigh the present, I think, which is not so good. I wonder if people ever move out of one stage or the other (past or future). It's a young/old thing. Is there a middle time?

I ate lunch with a friend of mine today, who seems to accept my advice on anything and everything. She sought me out at the beginning of the semester and has been initiating get-together times. I love this and she's an awesome girl but I would never have thought of her (before) as someone that I would ever get to know or who would even be interested in getting to know me. But not only does she apparently want to, she completely opens up and trusts me with a lot of stuff. It's just been a little strange for me and I've had to be careful that I'm not projecting myself or my views on her too much, even though she's asking for them. But with people like this, is where I wax controlling and self-righteous. I need people like CK who are direct enough to come to me and tell me when i'm wrong. Oh, keep me humble.

There's too much to think of and organize. I'm trying to do applications for ISC for next fall, while completing budgets and support letters for SAM for the spring. that's coming way too quick. And yet not quick enough. This time is the worst!! The anticipation is always way worse than the event itself. Just get me there. I want to see if I can really be a world traveler and an international resider.