So can I just say that I don't know what I, as a person, would do without other people. Three things happened in the last 24-hours that have either changed my perspective or affected my attitude about my life. First of all, and the least impactive one, was collaborating this morning in one of my classes with three of my classmates on ideas for activities in a lesson plan. Sounds simple but sometime I dread having to come up with interesting, creative, and productive games. I'm just not that kind of thinker. But working with others really gets my juices flowing and we had a great time! So that's pretty small. But I had a conversation last night with Crystal (Erin part of the time, but she was dozing) about art and language and literature and emotion and expressing self and how all this fits into the life of a believer in Jesus. In talking to her about all this and sharing how I've been realizing that one of my main love languages is physical touch (which I did not realize), I started thinking about what I've been doing lately. I've been focusing a lot on myself. I got so disillusioned with the "mask" and people (myself included) not being truthful that I was trying to be "truthful" to everything about me and IN everything I did. Well, that turns out to be a BAD decision because I've been focusing everything on myself and how I feel and how I react, blah blah blah. It's made everything worse!!! I've been using art, specifically language, to be an emotional outlet for me, but in the wrong way. Crystal and I were talking about the line between using art as a way to reach people's emotions and help them through issues or whatever, but how that fits in with how it's really not about us or emotions; it's about God and His unswerving truth. However, we came to the conclusion that the reason there is such a thing as art therapy among other things and why it's important for Christians is because that's where people go (or one of the places) to find answers. As followers of the Way, we have the TRUE answers; we need to be reaching people IN THEIR NEED and loving them in the Truth!! This can be done in such a powerful way through the arts. So, all this started me thinking on how I use MY art - language and literature. And I realized, like I said before that it's an emotional outlet for me but only as it focuses on myself. I don't use it as therapy for my "nerves" or whatever (which Crystal says she does when she paints) - I end up putting my emotions into words, which sometimes helps but not when I only focus on ME and on my negative thoughts and feelings. I feel like they never go away -that's all I have to write about. I'm not channeling my emotional energy into something productive - I'm simply making myself feel better for the moment. Crystal turns her emotions into a beautiful painting that usually doesn't have anything to do with her negative emotions or whatever she was feeling - it was the actual act of painting that helped her work through those feelings to reach a state of calmness and rationality. This, I need to start doing. I have produced nothing worthwhile except a bunch of venting, emotional, individualistic poems. This is why it hasn't satisfied me and why I've been feeling like I can't find emotional stability. First of all, because I can't look for it in anything but Jesus Christ and His truth. But also because I was actually feeding my INstability by channeling it right back on me, instead of using it for the benefit of others and the glory of God. Phew!! That was a lot to realize in one night (or maybe just to explain in words).
Ok, so the other thing that has happened that I am so grateful for is my time with Carole Shust this morning. We eat lunch together every week - she's mentoring me. I kinda told her a little bit about my revelation from last night and we just went off of that. We had been talking about patience the last time and how really, patience is so much more than just waiting. It is actively "remaining under" (that's the Greek definition or something). It's active!! Patience? Active? Oh yes, it is possible. And beautiful. It's not simply bearing just to get by. It is applying your mind to the state you need to be in, right that minute. So anyway, we started talking about it in another context because I was asking her about a statement I had heard; that "Faith is Application." What does that mean? Cuz the verse that keeps ringing in my head is Heb. 11:1 where it says that "Faith is the assurance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen." That doesn't seem like application or action to me. It seems like it's just head knowledge. And so many times, I have the head knowledge and I dont' know how to move it to the heart and to action. I know that James says that faith is action, that it should lead to good works. But what about my head? So often, that's where the battle is, which is what I see Eph. 6 referring to, at least in part, where it says that our battle is not against flesh and blood but against the powers of the dark realm. Satan attacks me most in my head!! My thoughts, my knowledge - that's where I stumble the most. So what we figured out was, that faith is always actIVE (adjective) but that it is not always acted out physically. Meaning, Faith is NEVER passive. Obedience is NEVER passive. Trust is NEVER passive. Like I illustrated before, even Patience is never passive! But it's not always in your observable action! How do you act out Trust? By sitting back and not doing anything : "Well, it's all up to God anyway! Gotta just zone out cuz I can't do anything. I'm trusting God!" NO!!! We actively apply our MINDS to Scripture and to the knowledge of who God is, His character and THIS is what brings us peace! Not our inaction because we are told that God is in control; instead, action in our minds. This is how head knowledge should be applied - our minds can be the action. Apply yourself to truth, not just to ignoring whatever it is you're dealing with, or singing loud enough to forget the problem, cuz we're told to have peace. Peace is not ignorance. Peace is found in TRUTH!!!! And Truth is Jesus Christ. Straight up, guys, straight up.
